I can hear the hearts crying louder than the rocks

Where, when does it start? How can a generational curse be so outstanding that you and I are born into both privilege and poverty, knowing the touch of both God and the devil? Where and when will it end? When will the hungry eat? When will the thirsty drink? When will lives begin and end above the bondage of slavery? When will hate be conquered? Darkness cease and day break? Children not be beaten? Marriages be a lifelong union? Evil end?

All I know is “not now. Not here. Not for a long time. And not by human hands.” We got ourselves into this mess, and I don’t care if you think Adam and Eve is a fairy tale or not, mankind is a diamond covered in tar. And not a diamond from Africa that lives ended to sell to the highest Western bidder, either. A fair-trade diamond unscarred by human error. So when he’s riding in town and his fans are going nuts and the social powers that be told him to shut them up, I understand why he said that if the people were quiet, the rocks would cry out to compensate. The whole world is waiting for redemption. Every child born from his and her mother’s womb is already victim to an apathetic world. Every beating heart wants to be known and loved despite what flaws would be found. Every soul needs acceptance despite inadequacies.

I cannot offer you that.

I have long reached the conclusion that men and women are incapable of meeting such needs. We’re much too selfish. Remove divine love from the equation and we have absolutely no incentive to better the world, to look out for others, to love our neighbors, to love our enemies, to truly love ourselves. To love anyone. Remove agape from the equation and you are left with a world in which orphans are adopted by men who sell their organs on the black market, children are sold into slavery by parents who need money to pay the interest on a $36 dollar debt, human trafficking triumphs under the radar, girls old enough for brushing their teeth and tying their shoes to be their greatest responsibilities are forced into prostitution and beaten for resistance, thousands die weekly of sickness and malnutrition in displacement camps due to decades-long warfare while obesity and prescription drug abuse rages on the other side of the globe, when bullets fly into the bodies of the innocent in public parking lots, women are raped by friends and family, one man voluntarily slits the throat of another, dirty water murders millions annually while others pay $5 for a small bottle from Fiji [$5 to bloodwatermission.com will build a well & revolutionize a dry village], parents hate their children, children hate their parents, eating disorders hold people captive, blades create scars of self-inflicted wounds, and adultery, corporations, abortion, divorce, lies, pornography, theft, jealousy, addictions, greed, debt, disobedience and injustice reign over its inhabitants.

Freedom. I want to be free.

I want to hold back the hands that cut, unlock the prison doors, dance in the sun rise and swim in the waves. I want to scream truth louder than the lies, give the hungry, thirsty, homeless and poor everything they need to meet every single need they have and will have. I want to not be crippled by my past and shortcomings. I want to encourage rather than gossip. I want to bring healing. I want to comfort those who mourn. I want to proclaim victory. I want to lead the way to freedom. Where children can laugh and dance and be embraced by their parents. Where the poor are rich and the last are first. Where addictions are weak and chains are broken. Where the only blood that will be shed has shed and cheeks know not the touch of tears. Where hearts are confident in love and community thrives in fellowship. Where slavery is nonexistent. Freedom. Freedom. Freedom.

I really believe on a deep level that you are reading this and you agree. I really believe on a deep level that this desire is written on our hearts that beat and long to be intimately known and intimately loved, reverberating with souls craving intimate acceptance and intimate freedom. The rocks don’t need to cry out. Our hearts are loud enough.

I don’t claim Jesus of Nazareth because I think it makes me better than you on any falsely-determined level. I don’t claim Jesus of Nazareth because he told or forced me to. I claim Jesus of Nazareth because he didn’t just say these needs needed to be met and someone should do something about that. I claim Jesus of Nazareth because he rose up and met them, because he broke addictions, because he ended slavery, because he conquered evil, speaks only truth, comforts those who mourn, and grasps every starving heart and holds it to his. I claim Jesus of Nazareth is the Christ because he proclaimed freedom to prisoners and liberty to captives.

I cannot offer you that kind of love. I claim the man who can.

Verily, today there is freedom.

Choose this day, not knowing tonight.

I walk on shards of broken glass
I fall to the ground like so much dust
I am never who I'd like to be

Discontent and breaking in
The walls will fall around Jericho

You'll find this on a page in my wonderful moleskine journal dates April 14/15, 2007. Maybe I wrote it at midnight, I don't know. I don't remember writing it. I do know that I meant to elaborate on it later, make it longer, rewrite it in general, but I never got to it. Even tonight I'm not sure where to go with it if ever I chose to lay music on it. It's not very good, let's face it, but there it is. Once in a while I read through this wonderful journal I speak of [wonderful by its own merit, not necessarily the words inscribed on it at this point] to find something to throw up here. Sometimes I find something that strikes my fancy. This is what I like:

The walls will fall around Jericho

I guess now it speaks to me because I just saw it happen in a few different ways. Let's recap: Jericho is this stronghold, this fortress in the Promised Land, and for the weary Israelites to claim their Land, they'd have to take it down. Jericho was a mighty city; lots of people in it, and lots of protection around it. But in the most ridiculous way, God works through His chosen people and the walls crumble down. At that point the bewildered and surely terrified inhabitants of Jericho were easily taken and the rest is history in favor of the Jews. Go read it in Joshua.

Very recently I had the opportunity to read through said book of the Bible with a group of young girls, some closer to adulthood than others without even considering chronological input. In four days, give or take, we covered the major points in Joshua's life. Here's what you need to know about me: I'm easily intimidated by endeavors of eternal consequence, but I thirst for nothing else. Don't give me a job that doesn't matter because you'll find me to be the most haphazardly committed individual you've met. I loved the opportunity to communicate his story, because it is a solid one, but I also skeptically eyed the prospect of doing so to thirteen individuals loved by God.

We're left to know that Joshua was a decisive man. He woke up every morning and every morning he woke up he decided to follow God, to serve this YHWH that had been so faithful to him. To be united with this friend of his. It's a bold decision to make, what your day will be devoted to. Surely the same could be said for your life, but Joshua was wise enough to take things one day at a time. A wiser man once said something similar atop a mountain.

The thing about making a choice at the beginning of the day is you're pledging yourself to an entity before you know the end of the story. So I guess a large dose of faith or self-confidence here enters the equation, whatever you will. Joshua said to "choose this day who you will serve," and it could be his God, YHWH, but if it wasn't then you needed to decide that too. Basically, don't live a day without purpose. Right or wrong, give it to something other than yourself. Now, I, surely like Joshua, knew the correct answer to this. But in any event, this is a guy who had faith, and who pledged himself to God before he put his feet on the floor. Before he had a glass of orange juice. Before he read the paper. Before he logged onto myspace. Before he walked his dog. Before he watched the game. Before he had dinner. Before he tucked his kids in for bed. Before he assessed what happened that day. Before he saw the walls of Jericho crumble. He just knew that they would, indeed, fall down.

At this point I'm standing around the debris of the walls, a spectator. Maybe I had a hand in it, I don't know, but all destruction was the goal and might of YHWH. This group I had the opportunity to meet, and if your eyes read these words you know who you are, some of the members had these walls constructed around their hearts. I didn't see them slowly deteriorate. I saw them crumble, the gates of Hell shaking as it happened. I saw community, I saw love, and I saw freedom. I saw the power of the LORD, I saw the faithfulness of YHWH. I saw the walls of Jericho fall. And in my very priviledged vantage point, I choose this day to put my feet behind those of the Christ who saves and redeems before our very eyes every day. Blessed are those who see and believe, but even more blessed are those who do not see and yet still believe. We have so much evidence, we don't even need a whole lot of faith.

The bit at the beginning that I wrote back in April, like I said I don't remember writing it. I do, but only vaguely and there's a good chance that I'm making it up. I do remember being unhappy with who I was but being broken and looking up at the promise of who I was/am becoming, the sun breaking over the horizon. Promise. I remember knowing nothing other than the fact that I was falling apart and one day it would end, serving its purpose. Let no day pass without serving purpose. I remember heartfelt prayers and thousands of tears wept waiting, wishing for the end. It says in James not to try to get out of trials prematurely, but at that point I'd had it. However, in many ways I think I myself was delaying it. I have these walls around my heart that have been constructed for various reasons, but for God's plan to go on, they have to go. I knew that. I knew they would. I'm not stupid enough to say right now in writing that they're all fallen down and things are all better now. I'm still growing. I don't know how things will go tomorrow, and I don't know the rest of the process. I do know the end. Rescue. Redemption. Glory. The walls will fall around Jericho. I can rest in that. I can choose this day, knowing nothing beyond the sun rise.