A Tale of Two Geese

[This was originially written on 26 April 2006; in many ways it is an immature piece, but it is one of my favorites, and to launch the Ketuvim project I am first using old material. I apologize if you've read this before, but maybe there's something new you'd like to add]

Typically I think of good intros for these things. Or what I think are good introductions. This time is no different. What makes it unique, though, is that I forgot my good introduction. I had a final this morning that I nearly slept through, and when I got home I decided to embrace being up and went to hang out by one of the lakes and read. I could go back to sleep at this point, because I hung a dark, folded sheet on my window [ghetto curtains] last night because the girls in the next building leave their blinds wide open and the light on all day long also leave the light on with their blinds wide open all night long. Their light is brighter at that point than the surrounding campus buildings and parking garage. And it disturbs my sleep. I fixed the problem last night. So at this point I could sleep well in mid-afternoon. This is all besides the point.

There were 5 geese, give or take. One of the things I really, really like about UNF is that it's a nature preserve & we have tons of trees, a healthy share of lakes, and ducks. Year round. But the real treat is the Canadian Geese that come here seasonally to have their babies, give them time to grow feathers and learn to fly, and then they go home. In time, they'll be back. Like I said, it's a seasonal thing.

So I was out by the lake this morning, reading, and the geese were pretty peaceful and from time to time I'd look up and observe them, and the way the green trees reflected on the blue water below a pale blue sky with some white fluffy clouds. It was all very peaceful, really.

One of these geese was all by its lonesome, and I noted it more and more because it kept....attacking the other geese. It'd start vocalizing up a storm and then fly over to the other ones and they would fly away. [By "fly" I mean juuuuust above the water line, and if I had a fancy camera there'd be some spectacular pictures]. This goose was Cuba, and the other geese were democratic countries pushing the International / Cuban water boundary lines. And really, the other geese were not doing anything harmful [they're democratic & believe in the pursuit of happiness & freedom for all], just hanging out, swimming around. But this rogue goose, it was just mean. And actively rejecting all possible social engagement.

I started to think about people who do this in their own lives. I started to think about how I do this in my own life. How it's probably not a good thing to live in isolation. And I don't just mean antisocials, or the unabomber. I mean you and me, in the ways that we've decided to guard ourselves from further emotional torment by just cutting off any and all potential sources of evildoing. You know how democracy can seem shady sometimes.

What really happened was I was out there reading my Bible, Blue Like Jazz, and jotting things down for this summer [I'm really quite consumed by my plans and intentions for this summer]. And anytime I read Don Miller I wonder what would happen if we were all introspective, self-critical, and aware of our self-endangerment. I honestly believe it would change the world. It would be a better place. It's ironic, isn't it, that to live more fully we have to embrace every shortcoming? I almost want to be Don Miller, solely because I think he's brilliant. I think he's very good at articulating the secret to the universe. What I mean is he's very good at communicating God.

After a while, it became No-Geese-In-The-Water time. Like at public pools, they clear all the kids out for a good half an hour for adult swim, and the kids have to find a way to entertain themselves. I think my rogue goose is the force that prompted it; he made everyone else want to leave. And they did. This pair of geese wandered out together, and one of them pooped as they walked. Geese are very good at multi-tasking.

Eventually Rogue Goose got out of the water too, but didn't still stray from the area he was patrolling. There's this point by the mailboxes where there's something of a peninsula in the water. It's very small. But that was Cuba. All you could see was a very gentle push over the water by the wind, and honestly if it weren't a college campus UNF is the type of environment I would go camping in [though I'm very interested in seeing how campus authorities would react, I don't want to camp on the green. The sprinklers are very unpredictable]. I felt bad for the geese that left because it was really nice at the lake. But I suppose they went off to greener pastures. Rogue Goose, on the other hand, stayed right there in Cuba.

See this is relevant to me because I have created Cuba. I've made this tightly-mortarted wall around my heart and decided I was better off that way. I saw myself in Rogue Goose. And in ten years, I don't see it now but I'll see it in ten years, all the other geese will be around me, in my vicinity, in my environment, swimming in my same lake, and I'll aggressively make them leave. Fidel Castro has no friends. Maybe the Soviets. I actually don't think it's that bad, I function just fine. I really don't think I'm pushing that extreme. Maybe if I didn't read Don Miller I would be. Or, and more likely, if I didn't know Jesus. But I half-believe that if everyone else saw a parallel between this goose and human behavior, we'd be better off. And more forgiving. We all do it. We're either the Rogue Goose or we're the ones who leave Rogue Goose to his own lonely devices.

I came to a good stopping point in my reading so I could come home and tell everyone about Rogue Goose and the democrats. I partially believe anyone who has read this has successfully wasted minutes in what is ultimately a very short life, but thanks for making it this far regardless. Have a good day and be friendly to your neighborly wildlife.

Human hearts, a world apart.

[This was originially written on 13 April 2007, but to launch the Ketuvim project I am first using old material. I apologize if you've read this before, but maybe there's something new you'd like to add]

I read an interview today with someone who gave his testimony, saying that he tried out all the major religions early on in life, all the ones that have stood the test of time. He started out with Buddhism, which didn't surprise me because I would be Buddhist if I hadn't met Jesus, for a variety of reasons that maybe I'll write about later. The important point for now is that I'm pretty convinced that the world has a better attitude towards Buddhists than Christians, and not that I'd be one to choose a religious system for sake of popularity, I just wonder if that's a symptom of a larger problem. It's safe to say that Christians are at best a poor and murky reflection of the Jesus in the Bible. That's a stumbling block for a lot of people. But I think the truth is that Christians are, or should be, Christians because they're embracing grace and forgiveness, not to be popular. Not to serve themselves. And what this guy articulated so well in his interview is this idea that every religious system he tried out was self-centered, which conflicted with his desire to help other people. Buddhism said you had to focus on yourself to reach a certain state before you could help others, Islam said you had to focus on yourself insofar as following rules and being good and earning your shortened distance to Allah, but Christianity was different. It almost delivered a "get over yourself" message.

1. Love God with all your heart, soul and mind.
2. Love your neighbor as you love yourself.

So this is where I begin my recent journey of thoughts, this first law here, to love the LORD your GOD with all your heart, soul and mind.

Genesis speaks often about "the flesh" [2:23-4, 6:3, 12-3 as a few examples just from Genesis; Job 34:15, Ps 63:1, 78:39, 119:120, Jn 17:2 as just a few other examples placing the Spirit as an authority over flesh, establishing it as a creation]. It leads me to wonder if that's what mankind is known as in Heaven, or the spiritual realm in general; "the flesh." I see Micheal and Gabriel chit-chatting over the latest ways "the flesh" mauled things over in my head. I don't know if that really happens.

Anyway. You and I, we are the flesh. Jesus later came and put it on.

It's the crux, if you will, of this whole redemption scheme we hear about from pulpits and Sunday morning broadcasts. Ezekiel 11:19 says that God will remove our hearts of stone and give us hearts of flesh. This heart of stone is removed from the flesh. It's all in the context of God playing doctor, and that we are broken in such a way that He must fix. Namely, open-heart transplant. I have to wonder if it was the heart of man that was most damaged by the Fall, and now it is ruled by the mind.

Background information: I've begun to realize that I was stupid and selfish enough to presume that salvation is the act of God Almighty saving me from a wretched and lowly world.

How wrong I was.

Turns out, I think, that salvation is the act of God Almighty saving me from a wretched and lowly heart. I've reached this conclusion via many experiences, the simplest being that I didn't enter Heaven the second I came to Christ. Not entirely. No, I'm still here. Hey there.

So if salvation is primarily getting saved from ourselves, and not just God giving us hope for a better world, it must be this open-heart surgery that God performs over us. It must be that there is something incredibly wrong with our hearts. And I see evidence of this in every day; you see it too. I'll use myself as an example:

One day: "God, give me wisdom. Give me discernment. Bring it on. I just want to go, and You do what You gotta do. I am Yours."

Next day: "I swear on all that is good and holy in this world [God] that I am going to punch that person in the face."

Immediately thereafter: "God I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. Well maybe I did. You're gonna have to change that. I give You permission to do just that because You're better at this game than I'll ever be."

Next day: [Insert gossip, slander, malicious intent, thoughts I'd never say aloud, and general disobedience to the aforementioned laws].

Later that day: "I am so cool. I'm gonna do such cool things with God."

After that: "IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII am so inept."

Meanwhile I have to think that God is singing this song over me, of hope and forgiveness and how all these things build into redemption, and that the gnarliest waves the Atlantic can offer can't drown me when the hand of God reaches into the depths of this broken and fallen heart that moves so quickly to hatred and anger.

On the other hand, there's something in this heart that wants so badly to love and be a source of compassion and blessing and in employing such gifts, we'd see the world change. We'd see less hate and anger and bitterness. I want this so bad that I yearn for it in many ways. I don't say this so you think I'm awesome; I'm just telling it like it is. But be aware, I say these things with the same mouth that I talk crap with often enough to be on the wrong side of the line.

Anyway, that part I mentioned earlier [Matthew 22:37], to love the LORD your GOD with all your heart and all your soul and all your mind suggests to me that there is an order to these things. I double-checked it when I started to think that the heart was the biggest victim of the Fall, and indeed did find that Christ says that it first must be given unto God. That maybe it's this order that must be followed in the arrangement of things. That first God has to change our heart to save our soul in such a way that would transform our mind [Romans 12:2]. Everything present in our mind is born in our hearts [Matthew 5:28, 12:34] and I think that's why God places such a high priority on guarding our hearts [Proverbs 4:23]. It's where it all starts, it's where we are both weakest and strongest....don't let that go.

Important note: Jesus says to give all these three things to the "LORD your GOD."

This is not something that is forced, this is not something that you do because you were born on American soil, this is not something you do because you fear this place called Hell you keep hearing about. There is no fear in love [1 John 4:17-8, 2 Timothy 1:7]. This is a relational deal; we can have all the mind knowledge of the textbook God--anyone can read a Bible--but love is what carries the journey. In loving Him, we get somewhere with Him. God needs us to give Him our hearts so that He can conquer the consequences of the Fall over them. Seems simple enough to me.

The implications, then, are [very simply] thus: my broken heart is fixed, what has fallen is lifted, and doesn't stoop so often to hate and other negative relational actions. The same happens to a few other hearts, and instead of all those negative things we actually start to be pretty positive. Loving, in fact. And then we're known by that. And then the world actually starts to look pretty beautiful.

There is a unity though between the mind and the heart that I don't mean to overlook. Matthew 5:8; John 10:25; 17:6, 20, again as only a few examples. I haven't quite worked through that to be at all comfortable acting like I have any degree of authority in the subject, so maybe that's a door better left open for you to explore. Have at it. Have a grand time.

More importantly, here's a bigger disclaimer: on the whole, I probably have no idea what I'm talking about. I'm mulling through the subject as a whole because I feel a huge, huge disconnect between where I am and where I want to be; who I am and who I want to be; what I do and what I want to do. I feel like all of this serves only as evidence for absolute disqualification from Heaven and glory, yet I have a God who promises all of these good things to me. Second to Himself, I get Him first, which is better, I think. And I have all these grand ideas and good intentions but those things only go so far in life. Life demands action. Being passive is an action that I don't want to commit. So here's these things I've got to conquer. I've got to be less afraid. I told you there is no fear in love because God said so; that perfect love banishes fear. I guess the implication there is that God, being love, casts out all fear and we are actually welcome to rest very secure in God. I've experienced that on occasion, but I feel like I'm walking a tight-rope between divinity and depravity. Which is probably only an awareness of what's at hand, but it makes me shaky inside and I am too afraid to wholeheartedly pursue this love that makes me unafraid. Such a demon.

Because "Outroduction" is Not a Word:

Hello everyone.

Welcome to the beginning. It is my hope and vision that this can grow into a community of discourse. The word "blog" can be so simple and contrite, but I believe the anonymity can bring power to our words. My goal is to take it more seriously than the blogs I throw up on myspace so that this can become an arena for change and growth and a place to share thoughts and words and good music and books and stories, things that inspire us.

The idea behind it is this: Tehillim and Ketuvim are both Hebrew words, Tehillim meaning "praise" and Ketuvim being the word for "Book of Writings," which (to my knowledge) is in reference to works of the psalmists and seekers of the Old Testament poems and proverbs [Psalms --> Ecclesiastes, all of which are great books worth your investment]. Writing in these cases is a mechanism with which man gave praise to God, and the beautiful part is that a great many of the psalms were born of a broken heart, and Ecclesiastes is in large part cynical pessimism. At the same time, many more psalms bring new perspectives on hope, and the proverbs guide our steps.

In some way, I'd like for this project to reflect that.

What I/you/we write here will reflect our journeys both in the ways they are separate and in the ways they converge. I implore you to join. You don't need an account, only words to type. Nothing I say is written as an authority, but I hope that as peers we can all contribute.

Thank you in advance.

- tehillim.