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I say often that grace is not in our economy as mankind; we judge according to condition, with or without righteous sight. An obvious example would be something along the lines of the innocent falling to the death penalty due to the shortcomings of our judicial system, or the opposite: the criminal walking as a free man.

But I write you as a free-walking criminal. A friend and I were watching on TV about the culture in South America that annually recreates the crucifixion of Jesus just as Civil War enthusiasts walk the steps of Gettysburg. I commented to my friend how struck I was that people so devoted to gaining a closer glimpse of Jesus completely missed the biblical truth that Jesus went to the Cross so that we could skip it entirely, with confidence and authority. The tragic fact of the matter is that it is easier for us to inflict our own penance on ourselves, thinking surely God missed a step. Surely there must be something in the Word that we missed; surely we deserve death. And if we must not die for our transgressions, surely we should at least suffer through some pain.

Surely grace is misunderstood.

Jesus made a point to tell us that love is the most important commandment (Deuteronomy 6:5, Matthew 22:37, Mark 12:31) and by loving Him with reckless abandonment, we will have life (Luke 10:28). We love God because He first loved us (1 John 4:19), so we know that life is only available through a relationship with Him (John 14:6).

I am beginning to wonder about Gomer, the whore bought out of prostitution who was so uncomfortable with her new life with a man who loved her by the grace of God that she ran back to her one-night stands, over and over again. How often we fall prey to the same deceit. When I read 1 Corinthians 15, I realize that God is absolutely aware of all of our fears and addresses them, confirming our need for confirmation, whispering grace in our ears. It is in our weakness that He meets and strengthens us (2 Corinthians 12:9). It was in my state of walking dead that He met me, bled for me, rescued me (Isaiah 61:1-2).

Still, it is His words that call into question my priorities and system of value that strike me most today (Matthew 10:37-38). He tells me that if I were to give my heart to anyone or anything other than Him…I do not deserve Him.

Well I’ve done it before, I can tell you that right now, namely with my own pride, rearing its ugly head in different forms, hiding itself behind different masks. So what Jesus has done with these words is pointed out to me, quite explicitly, that I do not deserve Him. But what He also points out is that those who do not suffer with Him do not deserve Him—I have been crucified with Him (Galatians 2:20), but still will I have a cross to bear (Matthew 10:38).

I wonder if it must be easier for us to literally nail ourselves to a cross to feel like our sins have been reconciled…I don’t know; I’ll never let someone drive nails into my hands simply to prove my own religiosity. As I said, grace is not easily understood by us lowly creatures called man, but what I do know is that it is good. Love of the best kind is good. And with such love comes freedom (1 John 4:18).

It is this that returns my thoughts to Gomer…why did she look back? Why did Lot’s wife look back? Remember her! (Luke 17:31-32). Did her parents yell at her for everything under the sun when she was a kid, teaching her to always feel at fault? It creates an effect we psychologists refer to as a “self-fulfilling prophecy.” I can be a lot like Gomer in that way; I fall back to the proverbial thorn in the flesh because it seems so much easier to walk in my own footsteps than accept the whole work of the Cross (Romans 8:1). But King Jesus demands more than such cowardice, and certainly He provides the strength to conquer it (Matthew 11:30). If love is patient (1 Corinthians 13:4), then surely it will see me through until the end (1 Corinthians 13:8, Matthew 28:20).

The fact of the matter is that our time on earth is fleeting (Isaiah 40:6, 1 Peter 1:24). There will be suffering (1 John 3:13), but surely suffering of our own accord is an unnecessary addition to the persecution we will face. In all of the ways you are crucifying yourself, let today be the day of freedom. And do not look back. Jesus Himself forbade it (Luke 9:62). For GOD has made you righteous (Romans 5:19), and by Him the righteous will glory (Psalm 64:10).

You’re telling me there is now no condemnation

You forgot all the things that I’ve done

And I will look him in the eye and say “Where is your victory? O death! Where is your sting?”